Chapter One

Chapter One

Hello readers! For my post this week, I am sharing the opening scenes of my award-winning novel, Bird Horse, and Muffin, a story of finding God in the midst of loss. Keep in mind that all the God moments in this novel are based on true stories. Write me if you’d like a signed copy…

                            Prologue…

Iris Rose Somerset, the story told through her eyes…

I am not old, but I’m no longer a child. Sometimes I’m brave enough to think about those days—days of suffocating fear and weeks when sadness had no end, and I lived with many questions tapping on my brain like a relentless woodpecker. Each new bend in the road of twists and turns thrust me into the unknown like a wild mustang ride…snorting, stomping, and even trampling my simple world. And when the quiet came at night, my heart seemed as cold as the bottom of the great lake.

Yet Nana’s gentle hand on my arm, or the look in Skeets’ kind eyes, well, they kept something muffin alive in me. They made me believe a greater thing could happen, something I’ve never quite been able to explain—that calm knowing inside, the surge of boldness I felt and the certainty of where it was from. I sometimes wonder at how easily I could have ignored it. I could’ve been distracted and missed it.

But I didn’t. Somehow, I didn’t.Continue reading

Of Shadows and Light

Of Shadows and Light

“Dear God, I cannot love Thee the way I want to.

You are the slim crescent of a moon that I see

And my self is the earth’s shadow that keeps me from seeing all the moon…

I do not know you God, because I am in the way.”

~Flannery O’Connor, A Prayer Journal 

Flannery O’Connor’s personal writings show a heart that longs for intimacy with God. Her initial entries, however, reflect feelings of failure. As a Catholic, she knew traditional prayers but noted, “I have been saying them and not feeling them. My attention is always very fugitive.”

One particular phrase caught my attention. She asked God what He really wanted from her, hoping to avoid the pitfalls of “scrupulous nervousness” and “lax presumption.” I believe countless people of faith either live in one mindset or the other. Or worse, they ping-pong between the two.

Labyrinth photoThink about it for a moment. Does the Christian life feel like a perpetual labyrinth, requiring constant attention to avoid a wrong turn or falling into a hole? Do we have to keep some sort of perfect equilibrium to get through the minefield of carnal life and finally win the pleasure of God?

Or do we compartmentalize our faith into something we do on Sundays? Does our prayer life boil down to “Help!” in times of urgency? Still, we’ve been baptized and know the Scriptures, and occasionally give a dollar to that guy on the street corner. So we’re set.

Is God breathing down our necks and wagging a finger? Or is He off in the distance, giving us an occasional thumbs up? Of course, neither image characterizes God.

I closed O’Connor’s book and felt a wave of gratitude. For years now, I have been free from the shadows of condemnation. As I describe in my book—being under condemnation feels like God is constantly disappointed with you. You come up short every day and say with resolve, “I’ll try harder tomorrow.” You spend hours baking cherry pies only to find out that God really prefers apple.

Somewhere on my long journey of faith, I discovered that freedom from condemnation is not presumption.Continue reading