Living Anyway

Living Anyway

What if someone rewrote the story of Little Red Riding Hood from the point-of-view of the grandmother? Or how about the wolf? Might be a very different tale.

God is sometimes known to orchestrate those kinds of shifts—putting us in someone else’s head—through a movie, a book, or even a conversation.

In 1998, two movies released within four months of each other, and both deeply impacted me.

Hard Times AheadThe first one, Hope Floats, is a romantic drama about an unassuming housewife named Birdee, whose life completely crumbles when her husband reveals his infidelity in a very public way. Humiliated, she returns to her mother’s home to figure out her life.

The second movie, One True Thing, is a story of a young career woman named Ellen, who goes back to her childhood home to care for her ailing mother. Ellen idealizes her father, a celebrated novelist and professor. However, she barely conceals her distain for her mother, minimizing her as a shallow ditzy homemaker. Over the course of Ellen’s stay, she reconsiders her views. Her admiration shifts to her mother—a longsuffering wife with a philandering egocentric husband. The reversal turns into a crisis for her, because her mother is dying from cancer.

Both Birdee and Ellen reel under the pain of broken dreams. Life turned out so differently than they thought. The truth is, you can’t be human very long without experiencing some kind of heartache. I felt their strong inner conflicts. My own losses surfaced, and I wept bitterly.

Several years later, both movies were on the same TV channel back-to-back one afternoon. Was it odd, or was it God?

I decided to watch them again. However, this time something remarkable happened…Continue reading

Bucking Heaven

Bucking Heaven

At this point, you might be wondering about my preoccupation with Terry. By telling you these stories, I’m showing you a steep incline of growth in my spiritual journey. After thirty some years of following Jesus, I was just starting to learn about the Holy Spirit. Terry’s illness and death became a marker, a turn in the road, a point of departure.

Old Arch Gate opening to endless country road leading nowhere. Hopelessness and great unknown concept.

Flipping through my old journals, I noticed an impression dated September 30, 1998: “Terry is the timeline.”

Jenny’s prophetic word regarding the prayer meeting for Terry included this phrase:

“The time is not yet ripe.”

What are you saying, God?

When Terry died, some believed we weren’t ready for the ramifications of a major healing. God wasn’t saying no, but perhaps “not yet.” He saw we needed more time and growth to handle the weight of glory.

C.S. Lewis’ classic work, The Great Divorce, illustrates this thought: In a perpetually gray city, representing something akin to Purgatory, the main character decides to take an excursion on a bright bus and arrives at the foothills of heaven. He and his fellow travellers appear as ghosts in the glorious light. wonderful waterfall with colorful tree in thailandAnd while the country is beautiful beyond imagination, the visitors are in no condition to enjoy it. Every blade of grass feels like a sharp knife, the rain like bullets, the waterfall like thunder.

They are not ready for the reality before them.

Solid-looking men and women come to meet the ghosts. They promise them if they enter Heaven properly and travel forward, they too will become solid. As they gain substance, they would experience heaven as wonderful instead of painful.

Back in the 1990s, we were spiritually hungry, but like the ghosts, we weren’t prepared. We didn’t know what we didn’t know. We longed to see miracles, signs, and wonders. God set our feet on a path for growth, yet we had a long way to go. We still do. We want to be solid shining men and women, ready for the supernatural power of heaven to manifest on earth.

Then, the Holy Spirit gave me another clue about the process…Continue reading

Rehearsals

Rehearsals

Terry had serious throat cancer. He was pastoring a small church in rural Montana. As part of the community of people who loved him, we prayed hard and fasted long. We encouraged him and his family in every way we knew how. One by one, medical answers came up empty. Still throughout his illness we sought God’s healing power.

But Terry died anyway. He was only 39.

I cried a flood tears. My heart broke for his family. But honestly—some tears revealed my disappointment with God. Why would He take such a wonderful man? We needed Terry here. God is able to heal—but in this case, He didn’t. I asked God for understanding. Over the course of Terry’s decline I saw four dramatic symbolic pictures. In the wake of Terry’s death, God made sense of them.Continue reading