The Silence of God

The Silence of God

I asked my husband if our son had recovered from a bad cold.

“Didn’t you hear me?” His voice sounded kind. “You asked me earlier, and I said ‘Yes.’”

“I must’ve been thinking about three different things at the same time,” I said. “Sorry.”

Original MixmasterMy mind has been noisy lately. Too much going on…countless things to take care of …many concerns tainted with worry…an eight-lane highway of racing thoughts. I try to sit still with God in the mornings, but I haven’t been hearing much. On the other hand, I haven’t been saying much either.

Distraction is a part of feeling silence with God. I’m restless inside. Lists start to form, creating a need to pounce on the day. But something else is needling me.

There are things I’ve prayed about for years—even decades—that haven’t changed for the better. “I don’t know how to pray about this anymore, God…” A seed of disillusionment gets sown.

It’s not disappointment with God. I believe with deep conviction that His heart is good. He can be trusted, no matter what.

Rather, I don’t know how to participate with God through prayer when what He’s doing is far beyond what I understand. I pray, ask, plead, and contend for things—as I see it—but it might just be my agenda to fix things.

Maybe God is waiting for me to run out of words.

Are you done yet, Susan? His tone isn’t antagonistic.

“I guess so. I don’t know what to say.” Prayerlessness feels like such a dreadful sin.

Just be quiet with Me.

IMG_0335I got up at first light and opened the front door. The world outside was still. No cars on the road yet. Snowflakes floated down, making the most beautiful soft tapping sound on the fall leaves. A blanket of white covered the landscape as far as the eye could see.

I am making all things new. He said, pausing to let the words stick. You’ll see…

imagesMy eyes teared up. “But Lord…Continue reading

Bucking Heaven

Bucking Heaven

At this point, you might be wondering about my preoccupation with Terry. By telling you these stories, I’m showing you a steep incline of growth in my spiritual journey. After thirty some years of following Jesus, I was just starting to learn about the Holy Spirit. Terry’s illness and death became a marker, a turn in the road, a point of departure.

Old Arch Gate opening to endless country road leading nowhere. Hopelessness and great unknown concept.

Flipping through my old journals, I noticed an impression dated September 30, 1998: “Terry is the timeline.”

Jenny’s prophetic word regarding the prayer meeting for Terry included this phrase:

“The time is not yet ripe.”

What are you saying, God?

When Terry died, some believed we weren’t ready for the ramifications of a major healing. God wasn’t saying no, but perhaps “not yet.” He saw we needed more time and growth to handle the weight of glory.

C.S. Lewis’ classic work, The Great Divorce, illustrates this thought: In a perpetually gray city, representing something akin to Purgatory, the main character decides to take an excursion on a bright bus and arrives at the foothills of heaven. He and his fellow travellers appear as ghosts in the glorious light. wonderful waterfall with colorful tree in thailandAnd while the country is beautiful beyond imagination, the visitors are in no condition to enjoy it. Every blade of grass feels like a sharp knife, the rain like bullets, the waterfall like thunder.

They are not ready for the reality before them.

Solid-looking men and women come to meet the ghosts. They promise them if they enter Heaven properly and travel forward, they too will become solid. As they gain substance, they would experience heaven as wonderful instead of painful.

Back in the 1990s, we were spiritually hungry, but like the ghosts, we weren’t prepared. We didn’t know what we didn’t know. We longed to see miracles, signs, and wonders. God set our feet on a path for growth, yet we had a long way to go. We still do. We want to be solid shining men and women, ready for the supernatural power of heaven to manifest on earth.

Then, the Holy Spirit gave me another clue about the process…Continue reading

Why God Uses Children

Why God Uses Children

Akiane's angel, drawn when Akiane was four years old

Akiane’s angel, drawn when Akiane was four years old

“Today I met God,” (A four-year-old girl whispered to her mother one morning).

“What is God?” (The atheist mother was stunned.)

“God is light—warm and good. It knows everything and talks with me. It is my parent.”

“Tell me more about your dream.” (The mother felt concerned. To her the word, “God,” sounded absurd and primitive.)

“It was not a dream. It was real!”

“Why did you think it was God?”

“Just like I know you are my mommy, and you know I am Akiane.”[1]

Oprah's favorite Akiane painting, "The Planted Eyes." Painted when Akiane was eight years old.

Oprah’s favorite, “The Planted Eyes,” was painted when Akiane was eight years old.

* * * * *

Akiane was born in a shack in Illinois, into an impoverished Lithuanian family. Her name means “Ocean” in Russian. In her childhood, she became a world-renown artist with paintings that sold for $100,000. Also honored as a celebrated poet, she appeared on Oprah’s show. All this by age ten.

Akiane with her brother

Akiane with her brother

She had no formal art training and was homeschooled. Growing up, her brothers were her only friends. The family didn’t own a TV. Her parents were atheists and never talked about religion. How did she find out?

From God, Himself!

When Akiane was ten, The Museum of Religious Art in Iowa invited her to have an exhibition that her mother later said, “proved to be an unforgettable event.”

Questions from viewers came at her from all directions:

“‘What church do you belong to? What denomination?’ someone from the crowd asked loudly.

‘I belong to God,” Akiane responded.Continue reading